o yea the 90s. the 90s were great. fuckin sick. raw as hell. learning how to speak. crying for no reason. shitting in my diaper
Fact: Unlike the gay agenda™, the bisexual agenda contains a 15 minute break for snacks between sessions.
Fact: The asexual agenda is entirely made of snacks, with a 15 minute break for all out anarchy
Fact: The pansexuals, with their extreme love for kitchen ware, make all the snacks.
i actually have a fashion taste that is completly different from what i actually wear but i dont have enough confidence to wear what i really want to wear
And the money to buy what I wanna wear
And actually the size to wear what I wanna wear
I’ve figured it out: My type is tall, handsome and dorky as fuck
FUCK I FORGOT THAT THE BIRD STORE I WORK AT HAS ONE BABY BIRD THAT LIKES TO SLEEP IN PEOPLES POCKETS IM HOME AND SOMETHING IS MOVING IN MY POCKET OH FUCK
YEAH ITS THE BIRD I JUST ACCIDENTALLY STOLE A BIRD
MY BOSS JUST GAVE ME THE MOST STERN LOOK OF DISAPPROVAL BEFORE HE STARTED LAUGHING SO HARD HE HAD TO GRAB THE EDGE OF A TABLE
I was explaining to my 4-year-old cousin that some spiders will kill their mate for food after they have babies. I thought this was gross, but she was unimpressed as she said, "humans will kill each other for no reason, at least spiders kill each other for food." I have never been more ashamed to be a human in my life
I don’t know if this has been said before but w/e
Just take a moment to imagine Muggleborn/Halfblood students at Hogwarts enchanting the school’s utensils, plates, etc so when Dumbledore is going to give his usual announcement/speech all the utensils suddendly come to life and start singing really loudly “Be our Guest” to him.
Okay, just here me out for a second.
Muggleborn kid with a talent for magic. Not real magic. Like, sleight of hand magic. And then a prefect catches them doing something like making a ball appear to vanish or whatever, and just loses their shit because this 11 year old kid has utterly mastered Vanishing Spells and what the hell how is that even possible.
I want to read a fic where some tech savvy muggleborn manages to patch wifi into Hogwarts cause lets be honest the anti-muggle-technology charms were done by some ministry wanker 50 yrs ago who knew jackshit about electronics beyond radios much less microprocessors so the Hufflepuffs are all binge watching Netflix before exams and it takes months for the profs to figure anything out.
Just imagine though, the Muggleborn 11 year olds show up at Hogwarts, get sorted, enjoy the great feast, and start settling into their dorms all excited about the first year at wizard school. Then they remember, just as the prefect is leaving, “Oh I almost forgot to ask, what’s the wifi password?”
And the pure blood prefect gives them a puzzled look, “What’s ‘wifi?’”
And just like that, Hogwarts is a terrifying place.
*ALERT: 22 year old Sudanese model has been missing for almost 2 weeks.
- Full name Ataui Deng Hopkins (niece of Alek Wek)
- Lives on Essex Street on the Lower East Side (NY)
- Last seen on August 6th around midnight, exiting a night club in the vicinity of 251 West 48th Street in Manhattan (the location of two nightclubs, XVI Lounge and The Attic, The Village Voice reports. Friends claim they saw Deng at the latter, where she was attending an event for Major Model Management.)
- Police describes her as 6’1” - 110lbs - black hair - dark complexion - slim build
text: 274637 (CRIMES) then enter TIP577
all calls are confidential
photo: kristiina wilson